can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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