I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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