i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I just want nice things and good sex
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
