i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
