I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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