I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
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I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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