its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
