I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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