remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
