Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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