You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
