I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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