I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
