direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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