Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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