I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
