As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
