I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
