I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize