it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
