Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
It's rum buckets o'clock
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
