Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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