did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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