Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
