hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
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