she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
