i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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