The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
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