You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
