I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Drunk is a universal language darling
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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