I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Randomize
