I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.