I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf