I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
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It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
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I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.