I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
