Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I checked into jail on foursquare
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
