Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
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no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
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HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.