I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work