At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
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we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize