id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
