I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
