I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
