i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
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Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
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AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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