I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
