glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
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Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
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i need some magic done to my vagina
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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