We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
