if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
he fucked my hip out of place.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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