Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
If I die, sorry about rent.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
