Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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