I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
