Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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