I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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