I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
