OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
