Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
