Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
