It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
