You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize
