Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
third nipple confirmed
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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