I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize