The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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