we have officially lost it.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
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I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
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Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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