is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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