i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
