well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Randomize
