He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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