Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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