now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
So many bounce houses so little time
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
