so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
