youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
