wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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