Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
