So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isnβt calling you back.
Randomize