ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
