i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
